i don't like sucking hair
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
