ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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