You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Holy sore nipples Batman
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
