Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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