Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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