I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
