so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize