I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
