sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
