dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize