Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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