saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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