You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
