Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
