I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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