Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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