I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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