shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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