he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
