I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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