that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
