Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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