Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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