i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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