I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
