Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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