If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
