i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
