Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
