Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
