Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
