I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
