Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize