Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
