Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
