I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
