Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize