pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
