Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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