would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
try to milk me bitch
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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