that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
