I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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