i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He better not be in your backpack
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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