Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
