Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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