I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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