I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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