I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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