even my farts smell like vagina
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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