So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
