why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
