I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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