Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
