My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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