Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
