Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
