my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize