What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
