i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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