i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
