my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
