First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
