HIV tests are more positive than that guy
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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