i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
