So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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