Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
