I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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