READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize