Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
