Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
