She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
